6 Reasons INFJs Struggle in Romantic Relationships
INFJs are generally the type to long for meaningful purpose in their relationships. Whether it’s close friendships or romantic partnerships, they are more hard-wired to want lasting connections than other types.
However, most INFJs are extreme idealist and finding someone, that fits into the ideals they envision, can be a life long struggle. In a romantic partnership, an INFJ will never give their heart away easily. They will only choose to invest their time and energy for a potential soulmate, or at least someone that fits well into their future plans.
Often times, even when they think they’ve found such a person, its never smooth sailing. As no relationship ever is. However an INFJs unique strengths, can also be particularly great weaknesses, when trying to navigate close interpersonal dynamics. But lets explore further with 6 reasons INFJs might struggle in romantic relationships.
6 Reasons INFJs Struggle in Romantic Relationships
1. They will need a lot of space from their partner
People with the INFJ personality type have a combination of introversion and intuition, which means they need to process information internally before sharing it with others. They can often feel misunderstood because their thoughts and feelings are so complex, they can’t even explain it to themselves sometimes.
Because INFJs are so sensitive to the feelings of others, they’ll need space from their partner on a regular basis. This space allows them to recharge their batteries, think from different perspectives, and formulate words to their complex feelings, which they can then better share with their partner.
They need time alone to recharge their intuition, which is one of their most powerful strengths, but also one of their greatest weaknesses when it comes to relationships INFJ personalities are often at the mercy of their own emotions.
For this reason, if they do not take time out to detach from the outside world, (and have a partner that understands them enough to respect this), they can end up feeling incredibly suffocated in their relationships, which can then lead itself to a whole host of other bad issues.
2. Their difficulty in trusting can make it harder to be vulnerable
INFJs have a high need for emotional vulnerability in their relationships, but ironically, they may be reluctant to express this vulnerability due to their fear of rejection or abandonment. INFJs are notoriously private people, often hesitant to open up about their feelings and thoughts.
This is because they worry that if they reveal too much of themselves, they’ll run the risk of being rejected or seen as flawed. For many, it’s their history of being misunderstood at multiple points in their lives, that gives them these insecurities.
And it’s these insecurities that cause them to put up walls in their relationships, never allowing themselves to be fully vulnerable with anyone. However INFJs usually remain incredibly compassionate and understanding when it comes to their loved ones, they can just have a harder time accepting the same compassion and understanding back.
3. Setting up adequate boundaries can be a struggle
INFJs are natural caretakers - known for their caring and compassionate nature. They’ll often put the needs of others above their own, and always strive to create harmony in their relationships. However, this can also be a source of difficulty for them, as it can also cause them to struggle to set boundaries in their relationships.
INFJs may often find themselves in the role of emotional support for their partner. This can be a rewarding experience, but it can also lead to INFJs feeling overwhelmed and taken for granted. INFJs need for harmony, often means they’re more reluctant to rock the boat by setting necessary boundaries.
Their fear of disappointing their partners might also make it difficult for them to say "no" when their partners ask for something, even if it is something that they are not comfortable with. As a result, INFJs can sometimes find themselves in unhealthy relationships where their needs are not being met.
INFJs can have a particularly hard time remembering that setting boundaries is an essential part of maintaining healthier, more balanced relationships, and avoiding situations that can build resentment.
4. Their expectations can be somewhat unrealistic
INFJs are known for their idealism, and nowhere is this more evident than in their romantic relationships. Most INFJs tend to have a very specific idea of what they want in a partner, and they can be quick to write someone off if all their expectations are not met.
This can make it difficult for INFJs to find lasting love, as they may unconsciously disqualify potential partners before even giving them a fair chance. INFJs, due to these their high expectations, can often set themselves up for big disappointments. They often expect their partners to be as intuitive as them - to understand them without having to explicitly say whats on their mind.
However, unfortunately human being do not poses psychic abilities and so their often left disappointed. Their discontentment becoming evident, and this can inadvertently make their partners feel inadequate or not good enough. Some INFJs can really struggle vocalizing the dissatisfaction they maybe feeling in their relationships.
Most resort to methods of fixing their partners, that involve the least potential for confrontation. Unfortunately though, this usually ends up leading to greater misunderstandings, and neither party in the relationship being happy.
5. They can be incredibly strong-willed in their convictions
INFJs are characteristically conflict averse and often more open to compromise in their relationships. However they do also tend to have incredibly firm convictions when it comes to their values and morals.
This means they can easily be drawn into disputes when in defense of their principles. Even though they are exceptionally good listeners, they can sometimes be inclined to having tunnel vision about the sanctity of their own views, causing them to prematurely dismiss a their partners views, without much consideration.
Due to their strong intuitive abilities, INFJs tend to have a lot of faith in the reasoning of their own logic that they can have difficulty understanding how their partner could possibly disagree. This can make them particularly inflexible and unwilling to compromise on particular issues.
This single-mindedness can make INFJs seem incredibly stubborn. However, INFJs usually only hold firm to their convictions in matters they deeply believe in.
6. They tend to take things more personally than intended
INFJs are naturally sensitive people so it might not be surprising to hear, they can be prone to taking things to heart in their relationships. This is a result of their deep need to feel understood and accepted - a feeling that can be heightened the closer they are to someone.
INFJs have a desire to form deep bonds with their partners. This need for connection often leads them to put themselves in their shoes and to internalize their feelings. As a consequence, INFJs tend to be highly attuned to the emotional needs of their partner.
However, this sensitivity can also be a double-edged sword, leading to feelings of anxiety and frustration. Their Extroverted Feeling (Fe) function can make them more aware of tone, tenure and contextual implications of things their partner says and does. This can lead them to over analyse, and read too much into certain situations in their relationships than is necessary.
For example, ascribing, or misconstruing all sorts of meaning and motives to their partners words and behaviors. Perceiving unintended insults, or some thoughtless oversight as a sign of something deeper and wrong in their relationships.
For INFJs criticism or perceived criticism, can sometimes equate to being devalued in someones eyes, and when that someone is a person they love or deeply care about, it can be particularly painful.
Conclusion
INFJs are often called “the counselor type” and for good reason – they possess a deep understanding of people and a sincere desire to know and be known. They may struggle with some things in relationships, but their intuition, warmth, and sincerity can also make them exceptionally great partners.
If you’re dating (or want to date) an INFJ, be sure to appreciate these qualities – they can make your relationship stronger than you ever imagined.